Monday, June 11, 2007

Tips for Heroes, Evil Overlords, and Sidekicks

This list of dos and don'ts for fictional heroes, evil overlords, and sidekicks is worth reading, if only for some good laughs. (The list comes from a writer's workshop called "Viable Paradise", which is hosted by SFF.net.)

Here are a few of my favorites:

53. Knowing that creatures with tentacles have a preference for True Loves, I will keep an eye out for them.

32. If the Hero warns me that my girlfriend is a Servant of Evil, I am in a perverse quandary. If I believe him and terminate the relationship, he will turn out to have been dead wrong, and the resulting alienation of affection will drive her to the Dark Side. If I don't believe him, he will turn out to be right, and I will be used as a pawn by my scheming paramour. I guess the only solution is to take my sweetie on a long vacation and not return until after the Heroic Struggle is completed.

33. My fortress will include a holding room for any annoying kids, nerds, would-be love interests and other wannabe-types who follow me there and insist on joining my group. They will be kept in this room until the Evil Overlord is defeated. If there are holodecks available, I will throw the wannabe into it while he/she is asleep and activate the Epic Adventure program.

57. I will not give sloppy, wet kisses to the Hero until I verify that he isn't related to me.

67. When the Evil Overlord says that he was driven to his evil by my radiant beauty, I'll just kill him.


2 comments:

Marnee said...

Tip for the Hero:

86. When the Evil Overlord tries to guilt-trip me by claiming that I'll be responsible for something he plans to do if I don't cooperate with him, I'll mercilessly quote Ayn Rand to him.

Toiler said...

Ah, yes. I forgot about that one. I'll take that as a compliment to my favorite philosopher.