This list of dos and don'ts for fictional heroes, evil overlords, and sidekicks is worth reading, if only for some good laughs. (The list comes from a writer's workshop called "Viable Paradise", which is hosted by SFF.net.)
Here are a few of my favorites:
53. Knowing that creatures with tentacles have a preference for True Loves, I will keep an eye out for them.
32. If the Hero warns me that my girlfriend is a Servant of Evil, I am in a perverse quandary. If I believe him and terminate the relationship, he will turn out to have been dead wrong, and the resulting alienation of affection will drive her to the Dark Side. If I don't believe him, he will turn out to be right, and I will be used as a pawn by my scheming paramour. I guess the only solution is to take my sweetie on a long vacation and not return until after the Heroic Struggle is completed.
33. My fortress will include a holding room for any annoying kids, nerds, would-be love interests and other wannabe-types who follow me there and insist on joining my group. They will be kept in this room until the Evil Overlord is defeated. If there are holodecks available, I will throw the wannabe into it while he/she is asleep and activate the Epic Adventure program.
57. I will not give sloppy, wet kisses to the Hero until I verify that he isn't related to me.
67. When the Evil Overlord says that he was driven to his evil by my radiant beauty, I'll just kill him.
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2 comments:
Tip for the Hero:
86. When the Evil Overlord tries to guilt-trip me by claiming that I'll be responsible for something he plans to do if I don't cooperate with him, I'll mercilessly quote Ayn Rand to him.
Ah, yes. I forgot about that one. I'll take that as a compliment to my favorite philosopher.
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